Some days I think I try to hard too do the right thing,
be the girl I want to be, impress...

I'm only one girl -full of flaws, quirks, and covered up smiles

One part broken, the other part beautiful
Yearning to break free from these walls I've built,
the things I've felt

The life I've lived, the air I breath, can't mask who's underneath
One part broken, the other part beautiful

Does anyone see who I was meant to be?
Can anyone rescue me from this mess inside of me?
This tangled up web?
This Jackal and Hyde?

I didn't ask to be two parts-
one part broken,
the other beautiful-
nor parts at all...

I long to be whole, perfect, unique-
No room for this brokenness, self doubt, and self hate.
The ifs and why nots
The whys and the hows

I just want to be free
Free from the chains holding me.


I wrote this quite a bit ago ( we are talking 3-4 months plus) but I forgot about it slightly. Yet, its a topic that just keeps coming up in my discussions and even a few of my new favorite songs. However, being in a different state has changed my view. And let me be the first to tell you that watching God live, breathe, speak, and change my life is something worth living for :)

When I felt You

The wind started blowing today
and then the rain started crashing down
the lights began to flicker
and the wind blew harder
I heard the thunder roll and saw the lightning flash
through the thick gray sky

And that's when I felt You

The stars glistened tonight
as I watched from down below
The crickets sang a gently lullaby
and the breeze gently blew
I searched for answers as I looked up at
that vast dark sky

And that's when I heard You

The sun slowly rose this morning
as I gazed out my window wiping sleep away
The colors red,blue, purple and orange tinted the earth
and rays of light peirced the once darkened sky
I smiled as I gazed in awe at that
freshly painted masterpiece

Because that's when I saw You-
You in me

I <3 cute sayings...

Yeah... I wrote some of these a while back. I'm a dork, but I love it :)



I didn't see you coming
Didn't expect this now
I didn't know I could feel like this
Just until now

.......................

I miss long talks
and I miss long walks
I miss gazing at the sky -
in search of flickering lights
and shooting passerbys

I miss your voice
and I miss your smile-
especially when it leads to a little bit
of laughter.

Quite simply put, I just miss you.

.................................

Somewhere between our laughter, long talks, stupid little fights,
and all our jokes, I fell in love :)

Sometimes all it takes is a few phrases...

Just randoms I wrote sometime ago in the heat of the moment. Wish I had more time to actually turn them into actual works. But for now, this is what they are.....



This overwhelming peace
puts me at ease

When things granted
where more then expected.
almost unwanted

.................................

If I could have foreseen
What is now seen
Would I have stretched?
Would I have even believed?

..................................

Here I sit slightly torn
Not knowing where I should be going
What I should be feeling

...................................

The Things You Say

The things you say
that smooth everything away
don't work anymore

I used to think that pretty words
and sorry notes could melt
things away-carry things away

But I forgot what I really needed to say
Somewhere trapped on the tip of my tongue
lost there-left to stay

Cuz the things you say
that smooth everything away
don't work anymore

... Also something to be continued. I like coming up with song starters and then finishing them later. I suppose this has something to loosing the tunes that I come up with for them lol :)

This was a poem that I wrote for my Creative Writing class and it's pretty much the only one out of 5 that I'm really geeked about. I've decided that writing poetry is just not my thing...I think I'm better with lyrics. Who knows...regardlesss, here is the peom.

Streets

Somewhere in the fragments of the Mind

Lost.
A four letter word
Existing only from an absence
Lost.
No where to go
Wandering feet lead astray to these familiar streets
Lost.
Longing to go back to everything comfortable, secure, understood
I’m searching through this distance
Lost.
Pleading for some resolution
In this tangled web of confusion
Lost.

But I can’t find the answer
There’s no voice in this darkness.
Silence.

Fear.
A four letter word
Existing only from an absence
Fear.
No where to go
Except these familiar streets once again
Fear.
Longing to go back to everything comfortable, secure, understood
I’m clinging to the past
Fear.
Screaming for protection
From this terrifying darkness
Fear.

This crippling disease
Leads me to my knees
on these memorized streets.
I hear an answer
A voice cries out in the darkness.
Listen.

Find Me in the shadows of your Heart

Corner.

I told myself this is all a bad dream
it will all soon be over
Pull the covers over your face again
it will all dissappear

But memories circle in my head
repeating what was said
So I stumble out of bed
and wish it all would end

I've told myself this is all about me
you're just not good enough
Look at the figure staring back at you
it was all because of you

And memories circle in my head
reminding me what I said
So I crumple to the ground
fighting accusations in my head

If only you were prettier, skinnier
If only you were just like her
If only you were greater at, more like that
If only you had said those words

If only, if only ( x)

Yeah the memories circle in my head
repeating what went wrong
Oh my heart is screaming
if only you could just go back

I've told myself all of these wasted things
would make my dreams come true
But I've painted myself into a pretty little black and wasted
Corner.

In You

Its in You that I find rest
In Your arms I find comfort
In Your faithfulness I find true joy

And even though I can not see
Where you are taking me
Or understand why this was meant to be

I will cling to your promises and stay in your arms
Because it's in you that I find rest
In your arms that I find comfort
And in your faithfulness that I find joy

Only One

I want to be strong
So strong
Strong for me, strong for them

But I'm weak and I'm tired
Tired of trying to make it all on my own
Because I can't

I don't know why I try
Try to make it all on my own
Because I need you, and always will

You're my strength, my rock, my redeemer
My hope, my joy, my song
My first love

So tonight I'm falling
Falling on my knees
Because you're the only one who truly sees

Desperately

I'm desperately praying
Desperately praying for Your peace
I'm desperately seeking
Desperately seeking your face

I know you're here
Here holding my hand
But I'm desperately wanting
Desperately wanting things to stop spinning
Spinning out of control